Tag Archives: deadbeat dad

Fighting a deadbeat

On second thought, can it be considered a fair fight to shoot fish in a barrel?

My ex finally decided to contact me after months of silence, months during which he didn’t speak to the children either.

I’d have to tell you my life story to explain precisely why he’s the most selfish human on the planet, and I DID want to leave a couple of anecdotes for a rainy day (it’s only drizzling out there right now) but suffice it to say that I was loaded for bear and waiting for him to make the first move.

Prior to our communication today (messaging on MySpace, that’s how mature he is) I have always let him off the hook.  I have always been loathe to hurt his little feelings.  He has contributed a sum total of nothing financially or emotionally for years.  It has always been my policy that I hate to see dumb animals suffer, so I have kept my anger and hurt to myself and tried to be the grownup.  Someone has to, after all.

But when my husband got laid off this past January and I asked the ex to man up and send me SOMETHING, ANYTHING to help, he gave me the usual sob story.  That was when I was done.  I realized that no matter how hard it got for me and the man who has been raising his kids, the ex was never going to give a crap.  He was never going to be able to see outside the sphere of his own childish life.

And I have been a fool not to call him on it all these many years.  My husband has been so patient with me and he has never once complained or thrown in my face all the support he has given the kids.  He doesn’t treat his step-kids with any less love or concern than his own kids.  They are all his own kids.  He has the biggest heart I have ever known.

Even though my ex was the one who left me (because I was “boring”) I never wanted to rub it in his face that I ended up in a loving relationship and he, 8 years later, is STILL alone, though he has tried numerous relationships.  I hate to see anyone, even my worst enemy, have to suffer that kind of involuntary isolation (I know there are people out there who aren’t in a relationship and are perfectly happy, I don’t mean to insult them.)

I don’t have much of a point to this post except to mark a milestone.  I will continue to refrain from insulting him or trash-talking him in front of the kids.  I will continue to behave as an adult, being rational, reasonable, communicating in a clear and civil manner.

But I will not longer “give him a break.”  I will no longer shield him from how his idiocy makes me feel (expressed in a calm, adult manner.)  I will no longer feel sorry for him because he has chosen to be a pathetic selfish child when he has the potential to be an intelligent creative adult.

I am done.  It feels good.

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